Funny Golf Quotes and Hilarious Golf One Liners
“Getting fed up with your shitty golf game…takes a couple weeks off, and then quit for good.”
-Local Golf Pro
“Golf is like a hot 17-year-old girl with big boobs. You know its trouble, but you just can’t keep away from her.”
-Avid golfer and statutory rapist
“Golf combines two favorite American pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick.”
-P.J. O’Rourke
“Man blames fate for other accidents but feels personally responsible for a hole in one.”
-Martha Beckman
“The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.”
-Pete Dye
“If you’re caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.”
-Lee Trevino
“After all these years, it’s still embarrassing for me to play on the American golf tour. Like the time I asked my caddie for a sand wedge and he came back ten minutes later with a ham on rye.”
-Chi Chi Rodriguez, on his Puerto Rican accent
“Golf isn’t like other sports where you can take a player out if he’s having a bad day. You have to play the whole game.” -
Phil Blackmar
“Golf is not a game, its bondage. It was obviously devised by a man torn with guilt, eager to atone for his sins.”
Jim Murray
“One minute you’re bleeding. The next minute you’re hemorrhaging. The next minute you’re painting the Mona Lisa.”
-Mac O’Grady, describing a typical round of golf
“Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.”
-Ben Hogan
“Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.”
-Unknown Golfing Poet
“What’s nice about our tour is you can’t remember your bad shots.”
-Bob Bruce, about the senior tour
“It’s good sportsmanship not to pick up lost balls while they are still rolling.”
-Mark Twain
“My body is here, but my mind has already teed off.”
-Anxious Working Man
“If I hit it right, it’s a slice. If I hit it left, it’s a hook. If I hit it straight, it’s a miracle.”
-Every Golfer I Know
“The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.”
-Confucius
“It takes longer to learn to be a good golfer than it does to become a brain surgeon. On the other hand, you don’t get to ride around on a cart, drink beer, eat hot dogs and stare at the cart girl’s tits all day if you are performing brain surgery.”
-Jealous Doctor
“Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white. They’re sold by the dozen. And you need to buy fresh ones each week.”
-Some Guy
This article is from http://www.golfnewstalk.com/funny-golf-quotes-and-hilarious-golf-one-liners/ More Golf News at http://www.golfnewstalk.com
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